Will it really change minds?

Ok, this post is intended for a crumb of parity but bugger me, The Little Shop Of Stop-The-Traffic Political Slogans must be clean out of brilliant straplines.

The Tories seem to have nipped in just after Labour and taken the last humdinger, 'Vote For Change.'

That's it, everybody. All decent slogans are gone. Thanks for your time. Clear off Clegg. Nothing to see here.

Do I really believe that? No. Because I don't believe in this cynically contrived line.

I don't want to Vote For Change. I've got plenty of the stuff rattling around in my pocket where notes should be. Talking of which, there's nothing noteworthy about voting for change. A change is as good as a rest. So excuse me if I don't vote for a rest when a good hard kick up the arse will do this country more good.

It's just a half-arsed plea that cries, 'Pissed off with years of humbugs? Then try our Lucky Bag. We haven't a clue what's in it but at least it's different.'

I want to vote for hope. For light at the end of the tunnel. For stability. For some policies.

Trouble is, Cameron is that smooth talking sales rep with no product to shift.

And because I've only got change in my pocket, I'm definitely not buying.

Jump to the Ouch view on the Labour campaign line > >

Is 'fair' enough?

You’ll be aware that Gordon Brown’s just wheeled in Labour’s new slogan for the forthcoming election, ‘A future fair for all.’

Ok, it’s in stark contrast to what Margaret Thatcher’s campaign line could have been, ‘A future free for all.’

But do you really want ‘fair’?

When Sian Lloyd wafts her spindly fingers, predicting ‘fair’ weather, I slump.

Britain’s grey enough thanks.

‘Fair’ doesn’t cut it. I want a dose of super-double-bloody-brilliant, corking weather that cracks flags and gets kids on front pages stuffing cones in their eager mushes, thanks.

But then again, maybe I’m a selfish product of the Tory/New Labour capitalism, pedalled over the last thirty years. I want good times. I want prosperity. I want sunshine. And I’m prepared to work my arse off for it.

A direct follow on from the enterprising true blue days of the eighties, New Labour (and this tired old Labour), has continued to preside over outrageous consumerism, a credit system built on a platform of jenga and an attitude of pure greed – none more so than with our esteemed MPs themselves.

So excuse me if I scoff at ‘fair.’ Fair sounds like my bloody-well-hard-earned cash is going to be shared out amongst the Migginses – you know, the ones who could never be arsed at school, who expected the state to pay for their six-pack of kids who then wouldn’t take responsibility for the little bleeders trashing the neighbourhood.

The trouble with ‘fair’ is, it just isn’t fair.

No, I’m selfish. I want bright. I want opportunity.

‘Fair’ should be consigned to the dark corners of the Great British bad weather.

Yep, thanks Gordon, but you can stick ‘fair’ where the sun don’t shine.