A free press? Really?
A Free Press? Really? from Larner C on Vimeo.
Apologies. I took the same attitude with my editing skills as News International do with their morals: shoddy.
Full of all good intentions today, a brief history of News International begs the question of just how sincere Mr. Murdoch is being here.
Crumbs... it's the tasty, fun side of copywriting...
I love food. Some cheeky monkeys may even say I have a passion for it. I love copywriting. Should go without saying, that one. And I have been known, on the odd... very odd... occasion... to love a bit of fun.
So when I came across this marvellous mix of the three I had to share it.
I could listen to Greg Wallace and John Torode talk about food all day long. I maybe couldn't listen to this all day long, but for two short minutes of wordplay magic, it tickles my funny bone as much as my taste buds.
But it's not just about wordplay. Copywriters could learn a lot from the way this video is edited. When trying to engage your audience, it's important to think about the pace of your copy.
Vary it.
Then draw them in again. Make your points then get your hooks in all the right places. Watch the film all the way through and hopefully you'll see what the heck I'm waffling on about.
Hmmm.... waffles...
It's from Swedemason and it was brought to my attention by Helen Reynolds or if you want to track her down on Twitter, @HelReynolds.
Thanks all round. Bring on the base. Or the bass... oh... pass me a choccy digestive will you.
4, 13, 15, 20 and 300 therapeutic reasons to be cheerful
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| Mic of Doom by Jon Eland (@strawbleu) |
This is not to be confused with presenting creative work to a panel of stony faced marketing bods or trying to persuade a city council to go with my branding for a major part of their beloved city.
Nope - they're two different things entirely. Like loo roll and sandpaper; like taking things at a canter or having the trots: totally different experiences.
When presenting creative work I'm responsible for, I know it inside out. I'll have assessed my audience. I'll have an inclination they'll be half-receptive to my ideas. And I get to move the slides on at my pace. So I'm calm, relaxed and relishing the challenge.
Public speaking for me has always been something far more daunting than an enjoyable challenge. It's been an inhospitable mountain to climb with hell fire at the bottom, vomit-inducing dizzy heights at the top and evil little trolls waiting to laugh at your every move all the way up.
Bettakultcha, with its automatic 15 second slide format, takes things out of your control to an extent. It's a bit like releasing the brake on a rickety old train carriage on 1 to 1 incline down a Klondyke gold mine.
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| Bettakultcha at The Corn Exchange by Tricky (@sovietuk) |
The format is simple: 13 speakers, 20 slides of 15 seconds each in front of a wonderfully eclectic crowd. Oh and 4 very brave random sliders to top off what is a brilliant evening. It's been described as a middle class variety show. I'd describe it as one of the best events not only that Leeds has to offer, but also that contributes to making Leeds a livelier, more creative, fulfilling place to be.
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| Presenting at Bettakultcha by Simon (@doggonwheels) |
But I'm glad I did it. I feel privileged to have been allowed to speak in such an amazing building. I'm extremely grateful to Richard and Ivor. And I'm very grateful to a forgiving audience. And I feel better for having done it. Now that's my kind of therapy.
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| Maria Millionaire by (@strawbleu) |
It's a great night. It's highly recommended by everyone here at Ouch (that'd be me) and it's something you should try at least once while you're in Leeds.
And talking of therapy, if you fancy a go at presenting at Bettakultcha (and so many of the audience seem to be inspired to do so) there's even some of that presentation therapy I've thus far avoided on offer, for free - the next one being on Friday 16th April.
Now I've climbed that mountain, I do actually fancy going to the class to find out how it's done properly!
Just doing some ideas work
No question.
I can't bear to be bare.
On the subject of Christmas ads...
Many thanks to all who read, carped and commented on Ouch this year.
Have a great Christmas and all the best for a great New Year.
Christmas is a time for... ads
You won't be surprised to see the likes of Heineken and PG Tips in there but do you agree with the rest?
I do like the John Lewis example but I'm afraid my psyche has been out-psyched by their recent Always a Woman ad with Billy Joel's song of the same name sang by Fyfe Dangerfield. A brilliant song and an ad which millions loved. I still love the song but I'm afraid I found ad a tad depressing.
How do you feel when you watch it?
I find it depressing because, especially at this magical time of year for children, I don't want to be reminded of my own fleeting existence and the inevitable mortality that brings.
And on that note, have a great Christmas!
And give me knitted monkeys dressed up as Elizabeth Windsor every day of the week.
All work and no play...
That's because you have to write a fictional story in 330 words or under and be brave/emboldened enough to stick it up in the public domain.
Not that easy. But great on a number of counts:
1. It really hones your editing skill. An invaluable arrow to have in your copy quiver. The quicker and more efficient your become at editing, the easier it is to deal with your own copy critiques and those of your colleagues and clients.
2. It provides a breath of valuable fresh air; prevents your keyboard from becoming a mill stone round your neck and you from becoming a money-making extension of your keyboard.
3. It opens up your writing/ your work/ your pleasure (if you like) to public critique which can provide you with a completely new view on your skills - and give you another layer of thick skin, which never goes amiss in a creative industry.
4. Writing fiction is a great way for a copywriter to improve his or her copy. It provides new constructions, different ways to pace prose and of course provide a new outlet for fun - especially if you're starting to see copywriting as merely a job (God forbid).
Whether you're a copywriter or not, I'd recommend giving it a go.
You'll find the blog here.
You can follow the 330 Words people on Twitter here.
You can find a couple of my efforts here and here.
Parental advice: you might find a couple of naughty words amongst all that lovely fiction.
Go on... see if you can do better. But that's really not the point. :)
The oxymoron of the fresh approach
- some shiny looking fruit, preferably sliced and with a good few drops of water
- sometimes just a splash of water will do the trick
- any kind of cleaning product; soap, detergent, coca-cola, that sort of thing
- or, if you're really trying to be ca-rayzee, try the odd stylised dandelion - always synonymous with fresh stuff.
The 'fresh approach' gambit always comes in handy when the following has happened:
- your client has sold you short on what makes his or her product or service great
- your account manager has sold you short on what makes his or her client's product or service great
- neither of the two parties has ever heard of a proposition.

* Yes, yes, for the pedants I realise 'fresh approach' is not an oxymoron in the true sense of the word, but the proposition of presenting 'fresh approach' as a new idea mostly definitely is!
57 campaign lines in one post? The answers.
As promised here are all the lines which appeared in this recent Drum post and their respective brands - possibly in a somewhat higgledypiggledy order:01. Don’t leave home without it - American Express
02. Nothing acts faster – Anadin
03. Impossible is nothing – Adidas
04. Just do it – Nike
05. Good things come to those who wait – Guinness
06. Moving at the speed of business – UPS
07. I’m only here for the beer – Double Diamond
08. Any time, any place, any where – Martini
52. You can trust your car to the man with the star – Texaco
53. Think big – IBM
54. Think small – VW
55. Think different - Apple
56. Take care – Garnier
57. Schhh - you know who - Schweppes
57 campaign lines in one post on messaging? Now that's variety!

A while back I posted on The Drum about getting the messaging right - especially as today's consumers are more savvy than ever before.
Here's the post, with 57 campaign lines hidden within. Can you spot them all? As promised on The Drum the answers will appear sometime soon.
Attitude. As one of today’s customers, I don’t leave home without it. And because I know the average person is exposed to somewhere over 1500 marketing messages a day, I make damned sure I’m anything but average. When it comes to rubbing me up the wrong way, nothing acts faster than an ill-timed pitch, or bland statement to make the prospect of a sale impossible. ‘Is nothing sacred any more?’ I ask myself as I try to get through the day without being labelled an A, B or C1. Don’t know why I feel like there’s a million marketeers with hands in my pockets, I just do. It’s one of the reasons I’m fickle, brand-disloyal and downright difficult to please.
I’m only here for the beer but I can get another one any time, any place, anywhere.
I know good things come to those who wait but I prefer moving at the speed of business.
I’m not into jazz but I understand why eight out of ten cats prefer it.
And when the man from Del Monte says ‘Yes’ I often prefer to say it with flowers.
That’s right – I’m no longer interested in whether it’s probably the best beer in the world; I want to know it definitely is, why it is and how you’re going to prove it.
It’s all well ‘n’ good empowering the Internet generation but stop sending me those infernal emails. I’ve heard of Viagra. It’s what your right arm’s for.
Isn’t it? I can’t quite make out the small point size on the instruction leaflet.
I’m high on multiple online reviews and I’ve got the lowdown on what’s best for me.
Yeah, I know a little dab’ll do ya, but sometimes I just want to splash it all over.
And when I’m on the go and thirsty, I could drink Canada dry – whatever they’re serving. Call it liquid engineering – and remember I’m running on a hybrid engine.
I could drink camp – it’s they best they say. And while I’d love a Babycham, I’ve heard it makes you feel like the man you are.
Oh yeah – we’re today’s hard-to-please consumers. And you know what, some of our best men are women. So watch it.
Someone once asked me, ‘Have you ever had a bad time in Levi’s?’ No, but I know life’s good – if not better – out of your Levi’s too.
So sell me jeans with a fluffy yellow puppet by all means, but I think you’re on the make. Believe me, I really do.
And while every little helps, I can’t help feeling smug at wotalotIgot.
I don’t want my bank to be the listening bank, I just want my bread wi’ nowt taken out.
There’s no doubt it’s good to talk but have you ever wished you were better informed?
I have. That’s why my media is super social. That’s why you’d better be as sociable as me – and millions of others like me. Because word on the street is there’s no hiding place anymore.
And they say that when the tide’s in, dirt’s out. If that means make-up to make love in is only good for half the day, I’m not that interested, thanks.
More interestingly, Beanz Meanz Heinz apparently – but if they’re over fifty pence a can, beans means own brand to me.
And sometimes, just sometimes I’d actually prefer my nice, relaxing massage on the go. After all, it’s a lot less bovver than a hover and a lot of small talk.
It could be you – it really could be down to you that I’m rebelling against this brand bashing – but it’s got to be Gordon’s fault, whoever the heck he is!
Whatever happens I’ll make, up my own mind, thanks.
Just imagine what you could achieve if you stopped treating me like a demographic and more like a person.
Yes, I’ll listen to people purporting to be saving you money every day, but because I’m also interested in the true definition of luxury, yours is no easy task these days.
In fact, someone, somewhere wants a letter from you. It says, ‘Sorry for disturbing you in such a grey, stagnant fashion.’
AB1? Yeah, that’s right, ‘Awkward Bugger that one’.
Advertising: it’s everywhere you want to be – so you marketing bods better think local, act global and be as relevant and timely as possible.
Crikey, with ads on a roll I’m even being sold to in the loo. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is just to pull the chain down, my pants up and get the hell out.
Yep, you’d better stay cool in the high-pressure world of meeting your targets and budgets. Because once you pop you just can’t stop.
And once those shiny new campaign alloys start coming off, you really will realise the beauty of all wheel drive.
Yup, I’m afraid we’re a truly unfathomable, fussy, crowd we consumers, but we’re sure you’re going to like us.
Eventually.
Oh yeah, I love what you do for me today, but tomorrow I’ll be cold as ice. That’s why I want to come home to a real fire – real benefits, real features sold in with zeal, truth and integrity.
You see, nothing runs like a deere old beloved campaign, but nowadays, you’ve got to really reach out and touch someone.
Because life’s complicated enough these days you, the marketer, have to be smarter, fitter, tougher than the next marketer and remember one thing: trust. Just as you can trust your car to the man with the star, chances are you can trust your creative to your agency – and the copywriter to get the messaging right.
Yes, I’m one of today’s modern punters and if you’re in marketing you’d be wise to think different. Think big, think small – but whatever you do, think customer.
Because once you take care of your customer they might… just might, start taking care of you.
o
oo
ooo
o
Schhh – you know who put 57 kinds of strapline and campaign line in this post? Me neither, and as a modern consumer of blogs, I’m really not that bothered.
o
ooo
oo
Oh, oh... Apple introduces Magic Launchpad, for a speedier connection to the real world

After a period of downtime this morning, the Apple store is now back, and as expected – it now carries refreshed, faster iMac and Mac Pro computers. However, earlier rumours have shown to be true, as Apple has also launched a completely new product, called the Magic Launchpad.
The Magic Launchpad is a 1m x 1m ramp, designed to work on your voracious appetite for buying anything remotely Mac related. Perfect for positioning at the edge of cliffs and very high buildings, it uses the same multitouch technology as the MacBook Pro and is fully capable of launching 4 to 5 Mac lemmings simultaneously.
It “supports a full set of gestures, including the two-fingered 'so long fan-boy sucker' and the one-fingered 'get yourself a life instead' thereby giving you a whole new way to control the way you jump off the consumer chasm” claims Apple’s product description. It connects with your Mac via Bluetooth, and it’s intended to be used either in the open countryside or in built-up areas, especially those with a high proportion of skyscrapers.
The Magic Launchpad comes as a standalone accessory and it costs roughly £35 to end your irrational addiction.
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Ouch advertising tip #321
How sport can turn a comment into a whole new post
Below is a post by fellow Drum blogger Aaron Bimpson. It's about how poor England were in the 2010 World Cup and why 'brand' might be at fault. I agree with much of it, but as my reply in the form of a two-minute comment turned into a whole new post, I realised how vital sport is not only to a nation, but to people's lives in general.England expected: But what did England expect?
As I walked through the city last Sunday afternoon amidst swathes of the stunned and disillusioned, I had watched ‘it’ at the gym from a treadmill. I actually think I clocked more mileage than Rooney, which really isn’t a testament to my level of fitness, more a sad reflection on his. While I surveyed a scene of national mourning and drunken heartbreak. The real underlying issue occurred to me – England have no brand anymore.
If a player from an emerging nation plays extremely well and shines out at the World Cup, maybe, just maybe, he’ll get procured by a second tier Premiership team or become a squad player at one of the big four. As a result his brand gains fame, notoriety and the opportunity to succeed. The trouble for England is that all of our players already do that. So there’s no real distinct advantage of playing for England. Wayne Rooney gets no real benefit from playing for England, he already plays for Manchester Utd, let’s be honest brand Ferguson is a bigger brand than brand Fabio. Robert Green didn’t save it because he didn’t really have to, his bottom line is not really affected by not playing for England.
England’s brand of Football has suffered. I’m not for a second talking about the style in which we play and I’m not just talking about who’s kissing and selling this week. I’m talking about the entire Brand identity of English football. Like many brands suffer, because they just got content and of course you know what happens to contented, slightly unfit, pompous, arrogant, comfort zone brands? Sooner or later, younger, technically astute, fitter, faster German brands come along and thrash them? We had brand under Venables, We had brand under Robson and while we didn’t win anything under either, at least we were proud and happy to be associated. Our Brand is lazy and tired we have a Lampard / Gerrard ‘buy one get one free scenario’ – truly a place where brands go to die.
Take the Germans, the Ghanaians, the teams from South Korea and Japan, even the younger members of the Argentina squad. Observe the wide eyed, X-Factor like enthusiasm with which they go about a game. They take risks, they have no fear of defeat, they work desperately hard. Whatever happens throughout the rest of the tournament, opportunity will be knocking for the young German players and their brand of invigorating, fun and flowing football. Then they’ll launch that brand into a wider market.
We have emerging markets in the Football sphere like we have emerging markets in the world economy. The Asian link here is by no means tenuous, South Korea developed a love of Football, they chose that they wanted to be good at it, now they are; they bend it like Beckham, they pass like Holland, and they dive like Brazil. Adding their own South Korean sense of cast iron discipline, and feverish intensity (Fabio should have taken a job there perhaps) and their almost devout humility and desire to serve the team – that’s one big impressive brand – Man Utd have bought into with Park Ji Sung.
A more ringing endorsement in Football, there is none.
For all the huffing and puffing and sackings, booings, unreserved apologies and goal line technology debates, brand is important, brand is a choice, we all have to ask ourselves what we would choose for ours, or we’ll go the way of the three Lions.
Posted in Uncategorized.
And the unfeasibly large and over-indulgent response: (At the time of going to pixels on Ouch, I was still awaiting untold abuse.)
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Propositions built on sand
If you caught my last Thomson rant about the use of the word 'passion' you'd be forgiven for thinking I had it in for them.Tweet
Copywriters: never mind who's the Daddy, who's the market?
A tweet from a very nice bloke I follow on Twitter reminded me of something I've wanted to spout off about for ages.Tweet








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Nice article Aaron. I do think there are other factors other than brand that play a part in England’s dire performance in South Africa. Heart, which I think you allude to anyway – you’re right, some of these players plying their trade for the world’s most famous clubs possibly do think they’re at the pinnacle of what they can achieve – they certainly look like that when they loll about the field in an England shirt. But if they’ve no heart, no desire and no pride in their country, then we may as well start placing bets on the team just getting out of their group, never mind reaching the semi-finals.
Yes, these emerging teams look hungry, but I really hope they’re hungry to represent their country, NOT hungry to tick a box on a talent scout’s agenda from The Premier League – or before we know it, they’ll go exactly the same way as the England team. And that’s what I think the 2nd issue is: money. The Premier League is obscenely awash with the stuff. So much so, the FA cannot take its eyes off the big fat cash cow and re-avert its priorities to the national game – bringing English players through – teaching them the technical ability to hold the ball, pass it out from the back, up to midfield and confidently bide their time until players making the effort to make incisive runs are in a goal-scoring position – you know, like the current world champions. Despite national divisions and disparate regional identities, Spain has invested so much money and time in its national game over the last 15 years – and boy, does it show.
And has anyone in our game ever pondered how one of the lower-paid leagues in the developed world, The Bundesliga, manages to produce a national team capable of playing such entertaining, ruthless football as the Germans? It never, ever ceases to amaze me when I hear comments such as, ‘On paper, England are a better side than Germany.’ Trouble is, football isn’t played on paper, it’s played on grass – and currently played a million miles better by Germany, despite a sometimes wobbly defence. But it’s a defence that’s more organised and more spirited than our current bunch of overrated individuals, by far.
Then there’s the FA itself. At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old fart, the FA has had no backbone since it obstinately refused to hire Brian Clough, the best man for the England job by a country mile all those years ago. He was streets ahead of the likes of Don Revie – and this is coming from a Leeds fan! The FA is too comfortable, there are too many big cheeses on ridiculous salaries to rock the boat by picking a head who will speak their mind and perhaps ruffle a few of the feathers of our preened, prissy playing staff.
And additional to your ‘brand’ Aaron, which I do think is partly to blame, I really think we can add PR. The media has done our national game no favours whatsoever. They have built some of a better known English players up as gods, as top ten, top three material on the world stage. For what? Because the media arrogantly believes The Premier League is the best in the world? Because some of these players do well in teams crawling with foreign talent which is technically better, fitter and as you rightly point out Aaron, hungrier? Take these Englishmen out of their clubs; teams that because of their riches can afford to be the best in the world and would probably beat most national sides – and you see instantly the talent that is available to us as a country.
Quite frankly our players just aren’t good enough. And won’t be – ever, until some major changes take place. We are currently a country, a national game, in complete denial.
Perhaps a total rebrand? Maybe – but as with any rebrand – it has to be backed up by the restructure, the new processes and new ways of doing things that will deliver the new brand promise.